Self-Deception

    Like many things in life, it starts quite small, almost imperceptible, and if continued, grows disproportionately large, to the point it begins to take over.  And while there are many things that fall in this category—babies, business startups, plants—this one is very stealthy, and can go unnoticed for a long time: self-deception.  It starts with small justifications like, ‘it won’t matter this one time,’ ‘I just don’t want to hurt anyone,’ ‘this is too embarrassing for people to know,’ ‘no one needs to know about this.’  Whatever the situation, dire or insignificant, the little lies—yes, that’s what they are—add up and start a cycle that can begin to supplant the real story. From little things in my life, like adding an inch to my height on my driver’s license so long ago I’d forgotten that I’d done it, until recently being measured in my doctor’s office as part of the initial examination.  And does this matter? No. Not really. Given that I’m not a particularly tall person to begin with, that little inch was for me to make myself feel taller in a world where, at least at one point, I felt surrounded by giants. Or procrastinating on projects that leave me knowing I would have enjoyed them more had I not waited until the last minute to complete them, denying myself the opportunity to more fully absorb what I was doing, as well as to better learn something new.  These were personal instances, not involving others for the most part. But they also made it easier to do the next time, justifying something for which I’d not taken full responsibility, and potentially affecting others. And again, why does this matter? It matters, to me, and others I know, because it’s not transparent, and shows me in a light that is not honest, which brings me to the crux of this: in these days of ‘fake news,’ of perjury-as-sport, of pathological lying, of hiding crimes and misdemeanors behind money or fame or reputation, only the truth can see us through.  Trust is an enormous privilege, and to trust someone, or to be trusted by others, is a privilege earned only through telling the truth, even when, and perhaps, especially when it is a painful truth. But that trust begins with living honestly, and truly being who and what you are. And demanding that those around you do the same. While we can’t ‘make’ someone tell the truth about themselves and their lives, we can set an example. Not by being a holier-than-thou judge of people around us, but by showing all sides of who we are, the unattractive parts as well as those we want the world to see.  And most of all, by being honest with ourselves, striving to be better in those areas we feel need improving, learning new things, trying new things, and learning to laugh at ourselves when we fail, seeing it as a chance to ‘try our wings’ at something that could help us all.