Growth and Pain

Growth that takes us to a new level of understanding, skill, or allows us to create new things, new relationships, is nearly always accompanied by some kind of personal pain. It is pain of letting go of the old way of doing things, while facing the task of understanding the new ideas and how to apply them to create the new. Often compared to the labor pains that come with physically giving birth to a child, change in our lives is uncomfortable, disconcerting, and often tests our will to go forward. In the case of childbirth, there is no going backward, as the child will come forth and be born. With other things, many of us find ways of lessening the discomfort, sometimes reaching backward for a habit or ritual that served us in our past, but is not going to help us in our new endeavor. We want to compare the new job, for example, to an old position that we liked, trying to find ways of creating those feelings of stability and comfort we felt in the old job. And guess what? It doesn’t work. Asking something new to be like something old is not only pointless, but is confusing, most of all to ourselves. We may find ourselves expecting others to behave as they did in the past, or for the rituals of our new setting to somehow miraculously become more familiar.

How to get through this? Like a new mother-to-be, or perhaps a marathon runner feeling doubt about finishing, we press on through the pain to create new life, either literally, as in the first case, or figuratively, as in the second, to trust in ourselves, and in our strength and endurance to keep going. Easier said than done, though, and sometimes remembering the baby steps we took to get where we are now is one of the most helpful things we can do. In a marathon, we have trained, early mornings with headlamps and flashlights, rainy afternoons, and snowy evenings, taking step after step, up and down hills and other difficult terrain, designed to strengthen our bodies in many ways in order to face the challenges that running a marathon presents. And we keep going, until today’s training is behind us, and we feel the elation, along with some of the physical pain, that such training provides.

Trusting ourselves and our process, as well as our faith in ourselves can help us through difficult situations, but it is also vital to remember that we did not do this alone. Even the most introverted among us have families, spouses, friends, all who have encouraged us, challenged us when we seem to be backing off, and otherwise became part of the reason we were able to go through difficult times. Some of life’s challenges may seem like a failure, but as Thomas Edison said of those experiments, ‘I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.’ Taking that to heart, and finding yet another way that may or may not work can be frustrating, but taking the knowledge of the ‘failed’ attempt is a guideline to follow into creating something truly amazing. Remembering that we all have someone in our lives who is supporting us when we come up short, and wants only the best for us can be the little spark of inspiration that keep us going, on to the next experiment, mile after mile, through pangs of physical pain, and to new life and growth.