Stoke the Fire? Or Calm the Waters?

It’s no secret that the people of this country are very divided right now. Recent events that ripped off old scabs have escalated into an international action in denouncing the long-hidden wrongs in our collective societies. On social media, I read very pointed posts about all subjects even vaguely related to these matters, which become heated, and somewhat uncivil ‘arguments’ online between people who have likely never met. I point out that when people are strangers, especially on the internet, things are said that would have never been said to someone standing right in front of you. The anonymity of the internet allows a ‘freedom’ that is not really ‘free.’ It is hurtful, painful, and is meant to belittle the recipient, without consequence for our careless, thoughtless words…because we can. To take a trip back in time to our kindergarten days, the old phrase of ‘your right to swing your arm ends where it connects with my nose,’ is more relevant than ever right now.

Right now, it seems that everything needs to become a debate or a power struggle. We need to be right, not because we are so sure of our convictions, but because it makes us feel more secure, more powerful, than the situation currently allows. It is one thing entirely to call out someone’s racist, sexist, bigoted rants, just as it is when they are offering blatantly false statements as factual. When it is simply a difference of opinion, however, what is accomplished by provoking someone just because you happen to disagree. If you’re a Conservative on a Liberal website, what exactly are you doing to further discussion on differing views? Attacking their platform itself certainly won’t do that, nor will belittling someone else. All that has been achieved is sowing bitterness and making people stick to their beliefs more strongly than ever. Any opportunity to persuade them to see what you have to offer them—and therefore yourself and your cause—is lost, probably forever. So what, again, was resolved?

Throughout most of our lives, we face situations that perplex us, and we wonder how to get through them the best way possible. Arguing with others largely raises our stress levels and blood pressures, and while things may be resolved in a particular way, the ‘compromise’ rarely satisfies anyone, and we are left feeling hurt or confused. Obvious choices sometimes are the best choices. Many people, who may not want to admit it, know what the right choice is, but feel that by admitting this, they are somehow weak, or diminished. These types of choices entail apologies, making things right, spending money to correct mistakes, and admitting they were mistaken and made the wrong choice. These actions, though, are the tacit agreement to do something simply because it is the right thing to do. 

It takes courage not to put oneself ahead of reaching out to another, not to withhold the needed words, to put yourself in their shoes and think about how you are making them feel. Yet, each time we swallow our pride and do it makes it that much easier the next time. And the time after that. What happens each time you offer your hand to another human being, and say, ‘Let’s make this right,’ allows true freedom to flourish, allows people to let go of the need to be right, and exponentially expands our capability to be better versions of the human beings we are.