Anger Begets Anger

At some point, being angry is just another bad habit, like smoking, and you keep poisoning yourself without thinking about it.

—Jonathan Trapper

We’re living in a very angry world right now. Being angry people. Angry about what’s going on politically, environmentally, socially, and I am seeing anger become our default, being ‘normalized’ in some odd, portentous way; a way that will not lead us to triumph over what’s causing the anger: seeing injustice to ourselves and others, feeling it wash over us as we struggle to understand how to move beyond it. And it’s hard. It’s very hard. As Jonathan Trapper notes in the above quote, anger can be like a bad habit: smoking, excessive drinking, reckless driving, cursing. And so it is. Think of the last time you felt really angry about something, and how it made you feel. Perhaps you felt physically hot, your breathing pattern may have quickened, and afterward, you felt you had to ‘come down’ from an emotional peak before feeling ‘normal’ again, as the tension left your body. Like those aforementioned bad habits, anger feeds on itself, using the energy it brings to take you to the next level of emotion, feeling, or action. And calming down after being angry is, indeed, like coming down from a high caused by drinking, drugs, or out-of-control behavior.

So, how to deal with our anger? Not expressing it is not necessarily the best way, but what about expressing it in ways other than screaming, yelling, or throwing things? Of realizing, that yes, I’m angry, and think the situation that caused it is beyond ridiculous. And then asking yourself if being angry will help the situation. Or is another action the way to go here? To follow the ‘bad habit’ metaphor, being angry doesn’t need to be the gateway to expressing that anger in an out-of-control, ‘drunk’ manner that only drives you to vent, and does nothing to alleviate those feelings, or what has happened to cause them. I’ve found that if I consciously think, ‘Breathe,’ and then do so, slowly, my thoughts begin to quickly go over what has happened, and I usually begin to realize that it’s not that serious, and that it’s going to be okay. And I’ll admit that’s really tough sometimes: at those times when you feel denigrated, put-upon, betrayed, lied-to, ignored, and all those things that make us feel less-than, finding the ‘high road’ is not easy. And then I begin looking for ways to be grateful for what has happened. Not that I’m happy something happened that caused me to be very afraid, but that I was able to back away and see it for what it was, and at least I tried to mitigate the negativity  at hand. Searching for ‘grace’ in the situation, a way to be grateful for even a small part of this event—if only for the knowledge that I know I will be able to face this again and not fall apart—is the beginning of discovering the ‘better way’ through anger, replacing the anger reflex with gratitude. To see that, perhaps, you are in some way wiser and better prepared to face your own anger in new and challenging situations.