The Anger That Drives Us

Anger. Even the word itself promises what it mean, with its hard consonants and short syllables. Right now, there is a lot of anger in the world. People are angry at other people, nations are angry with one another, neighbors don’t speak, and any sort of discourse that might be a way through anger is not happening. So people are walking around harboring anger that can manifest in an instant. In a fairly quiet situation, all of a sudden voices are raised, threats are made, and the separate peace with all try to keep is broken.

I am guilty of this, as are you. When I even think of something that upsets, or angers me, I can feel my breath shorten and my heart begin to beat faster. This can happen when I’m out in public, or when I’m alone…just by thinking of something I fear. Because that is the root of all anger: fear. When we are afraid, our primitive brain goes into survival mode and we react in ways we have been conditioned to know will protect us from annihilation. While ‘annihilation’ might seem like a strong word these days in most places in the world, understand that our primitive brain sees ALL threats with this ending possibility, and reacts accordingly to protect us from the threat, however primitive—barking dog running toward us—or sophisticated—fear of losing your job and not being able to support your family—and it goes quickly into preservation mode to negate the threat in front of us. Fear is an interesting thing to experience, and most people vividly remember something that really scared them, long after the experience passed.

How can we deal with this anger/fear better? There have been tomes written on this very subject, and offering another ‘solution’ hardly seems to have value. Facing your fears in ways like journaling or support groups works for some, but however we choose to face these obstacles, we need to do it when not directly facing said fear. Sort of like practicing your favorite sport before walking onto the playing field. The practice, and of being able to slow down your thoughts and actions enable you to begin reacting more consistently and calmly when your competitors endeavor to win the game. Free-writing, and emptying my mind on a particular subject is one of the ways I’ve found useful in learning what triggers old behavior patterns, knee-jerk reactions, and allows me to approach them to learn why they frighten me, without having to do something immediately. I’ve been able to see little things, as you do when you slow down your golf swing, for example, to find your movement has not been as consistent as you thought. With psychological fears, though, the ‘little movements’ can be very tiny things—a careless word, a glare—that helped form your remembrance of particular events that contributed to your fear of meeting new people, or public speaking, for example. Annihilation is truly a strong word for this sort of thing, but the physical reaction, the shortened breath, the beating heart, all communicate that this is truly how you are feeling. As such, these fears are to be taken seriously and not dismissed as silly, or inconsequential, as we have been told sometimes.

And self-knowledge may not be the key to paradise, it can help us come nearer to it.