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Every morning I journal for about fifteen minutes, filling three legal pad pages with my thoughts, hopes, dreams, complaints, and ideas.  It started about twenty-five years ago with Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way, which was the the only text ‘assigned’ in a class I was taking to learn how to be more open with how I lived my life, and who I was. Those last two would take a lot of time, way beyond that class and those people, but eventually I began to live the way I thought and felt.  That aside, deciding to take action in the form of a class, as well as committing to developing a habit of writing every day, was the first time I really said to myself that ‘things’ were not working with what was in place, so it was time to replace the current behaviors with those that might put me closer to where I wanted to be.  Wherever that was…. While I would eventually figure where and what ‘that’ was, taking action was the key to so many new worlds.

That action, the first I’d taken since college graduation, insofar as helping myself was concerned, was the key. I began to meet new people, people more aligned with how I was thinking, of thinking many of the same things, or at least in the same way I was, and it was exhilarating. People who were a part of my being stuck began to drift away, which was alarming at first, but then I saw that we were helping each other stay ‘stuck’ and that when one of us began to make changes to go in different directions, the reasons we were together started to fray and eventually we went our separate ways. Which was good. New starts, taking action, and deciding what you really want, and are willing to work for, perhaps only for now, are one of the paths to realizing the life you’ve dreamed.  And sometimes, it is very different from the one you thought was your goal in the past.

Two years ago, I was laid off from a ‘Golden Handcuffs’ job, and promptly sought to recreate it. And I did, in a way, and the new one was worse, in different ways, and so I moved on, taking a step back in both position and compensation, to give myself time to clear my head, to read and write, and to discern the direction I needed to take in my life.  Each little intentional action I took during this period led to new knowledge and the realization that what I was doing now was preparing me to go in the direction I have always wanted to go, but didn’t know how. The means to another end. And the bonus is that each decision I make, whether the goal pans out or not, is leading me closer. I step forward, and learn things I need to know.  See things I need to see. New people offer to help with something I’ve been struggling to complete. And each day I gain new insight into what I know I have to do to keep stretching and growing as both a person and an artist.

What dormant dreams are in your life? And is there something you could do—big or small—to begin exploring that possibility?

The Quest. We’ve all heard about this concept for forever, it seems, and it never ceases to fascinate us.  We throng to movies to see it in front of us—Star Wars, Superman, Batman, Dunkirk, Indiana Jones—to see our hero confront his or her worst fear, and to walk through that fire burned clean of the inessential.  Victory in battle, on land, the high seas, or in the air, is the stuff of dreams. Even Cervantes Don Quixote, tilting at windmills, championing Aldonza—who, in reality, is less than the ‘Lady’ in his mind—keeps to his quest, whether you read the pages of the novel, or see it sung in front of you on a Broadway musical stage, and we are moved by the dedication, the steadfast refusal to quit, to say ‘enough,’ and to move on to a life less stressful and demanding.  We face quests in our life all the time, though. Perhaps not as important as saving western democracy and freedom on the beaches of Normandy, or protecting the planet from those who would subvert it for their own selfish purposes. Quests like bringing up children to be good, kind, and responsible adults. Like starting a food drive/bank when you realize there are people going hungry in your area. Getting through high school or college, and the requirements necessary to do so.  While these last few may seem to many to be the stuff of ordinary life, that is where quests are born in many cases. Sometimes fueled by the deep thought that what you’re doing with your life is what you really ought to be doing, because you do certain things better than others in particular areas, and feel you might be able to use those talents or gifts to a larger concern than simply getting through life, paying the bills, taking a vacation, and making it to retirement…to do…what?  Which brings us to the fact that finding a quest is often a search for a higher meaning in life. To do bigger things, or more significant things, that go far beyond what your individual life might be able to bring to a situation. Or, I would argue, to open yourself up to new challenges, perhaps new difficulties, that you never thought you would ever need to deal with, let alone figure out how to negotiate them and the situations they create. And sometimes in this case, rather than sit and think of the pros and cons of engagement, it’s best to simply jump, and, as a favorite song of mine encourages, ‘keep your heart above your head, and your eyes wide open.’  I never thought I would do anything like hike the Appalachian Trail, but all of a sudden, the opportunity to represent my company for a week doing just that, is not only attractive, but is drawing me in more each day. The situation is just right, I have time to prepare before the actual event, shoring up the knowledge I might lack now, practice things that might be useful on this trip, and talking to those who have done it to glean tips, tricks, and hacks that could make it not only a bit easier for a novice, but downright enjoyable.  And so ‘into the breach’ to borrow Shakespeare’s words, for the first time in my case, to explore new worlds, and begin to see life—my own and that of others—from a new perspective, and perhaps contribute to someone else’s understanding of this journey called life.

‘What I really want to do is…’. The world’s most famous tag line, spoken by nearly everyone at some point in their lives.  The actor proclaiming they really want to direct. The middle-manager saying his business idea would make a great startup. The housewife planning the novel she always wanted to write. The teacher dreaming of a life in politics.  The list is as endless as the human capacity to dream. And some of these people go on to do ‘what they really want to do.’ But how many of us never act on those dreams, how many of us take those first steps to see what is required to do something different?  How many of us see that an enormous amount of work is required, and decide that maybe it’s not what we really had in mind. How many of us see ourselves at the end of this journey, successful, wealthy, acclaimed, etc., but never take the first step to see how this might become a reality?

While there is no specific answer required for the above, most of us have unrealized dreams and desires that we can achieve.  Or that we can begin to move toward realizing, and whether or not we reach the storied heights of our fantasies, our lives begin to make sense as we pursue those goals, and fulfill some part of our lives that has been empty, and wanting that ‘thing,’ that activity that truly feeds our souls, and makes us grateful to participate.  That thing, that desire, is our Olympic Games: the participation itself more important than having a medal hanging around our neck at the end. Of course, accolades and recognition for excellence is a wonderful thing, but how many unsung heroes are there in life, and that when we stop to think about it, we realize how much these people give to us, expecting nothing in return.  Because doing what they do is part of who they are, and they would be less for not doing it. Just as auditioning for community theater is vital for those who always wanted to act, and hoping to be cast in the next play, they put time, effort, care, and concern into their audition. And they grow as humans because of it…even if they don’t get the role. Because when you pay attention to what ‘feeds’ you, it grows, it improves, and it makes your life richer, and those ‘roles’ will come, or the published stories, the chance to start a business, the opportunity to explore those dreams that can become hobbies, part-time jobs, new livelihoods, or simply activities you look forward to the next time you can do them.  It is simply too easy to say there’s too much work required, there’s no chance I would be elected, my writing is not that good, the financing is not possible, without even taking the first step to see what might be possible. So much is out there to be experienced, and so much is truly within our reach. If only we reach out.

So.  What’s holding you back?  And why? Isn’t there something you really want to do?

 

Most of us strive to live better, happier lives, making more time for family and friends, taking vacations, learning a new language or sport, and the like. And we likely spend a great deal of our time working, at one job/career or another, in order to have the means to do so. But what about those ‘jobs’ or ‘careers’ that are part and parcel of who we are, or involve those things we love to do or create? I think many of us look at those as the unicorns of the working world: things that are great to think or dream about, but don’t really exist.  But is that really the case? Stories of those individuals who have managed to create such an existence are catnip to most of us in jobs that are the means to doing ‘what we really love,’ as opposed to supporting ourselves and our families by doing those things that feed us intellectually and spiritually, as well as financially. In some cases, a catastrophic event, like job loss, divorce, death of a loved one, etc., is the catalyst for a person to realize the life they lived previously is not the life they want to continue as they move through the pain of the event and begin to remake their lives in another way.  And thus is born the writer, the entrepreneur, using their own wits to create a source of income, and of new life, by doing what they’ve always wanted to do, but never saw a way to make it happen. But, what if what you had always wanted to do was all-of-a-sudden within reaching distance, and all you had to do was put your hand out to begin a new journey? How many of us would do it? And how many of us would laugh, and say how nice it would be, and then do nothing? And what about those caught between those two options: wanting desperately to reach out and grab the opportunity, but hesitate, paralyzed by fear? Fear of success, of failure, and of finally taking responsibility for creating your own happiness?  And why fear something wonderful, something we’ve dreamt of for so long?

And the answer is ‘Change.’ In a new situation, professional or personal, there is always the adaptation to change, learning new things, meeting new people, seeing our own world from a completely different point of view. And. That. Is. Terrifying. In our lives, we dance a particular dance, one we have learned quite well, and the thought of being awkward and clumsy again—at whatever age—is a thought we don’t want to entertain in any way.  We admire athletes, dancers, singers, speakers for the smooth, almost-effortless way they practice their discipline, always forgetting that we never saw the series of strike-outs at the plate, the missed steps, the forgotten, off-pitch lyrics, the fumble of notes hoping to find the next thought.  All things those we admire have endured, and have worked to improve, so that the perfect drive off the tee, the exquisitely executed dive, look effortless, and increase our admiration of their skill. So, when that opportunity to reach out and begin to create a new way of living, or working, or being, presents itself, reach out, grab it, and let it dictate what you need to do to make it happen. And those awkward moments that will come with it? When you begin to realize that each new demand is making you better, more skilled, more savvy, about the direction you are heading—the direction you always wanted to go—it’s much easier to laugh at yourself and the situation, knowing the errors are not permanent, not damaging, and that you will not only emerge unscathed, but wiser and happier for taking responsibility for where you are now heading.