Category: Uncategorized

Posted on

The Anger Paradox

Photo: kienvirak/Pixabay

You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.

                       —Buddha

Anger is a part of our world from the time we are small children, with us throughout our lives, and always one of the most difficult emotions to control. Anger is born of fear; our reaction to feeling threatened and how we respond. Anger burns hot, fast, and expansively, and often it is out of control before we realize it. Anger counters a threat—real or perceived—by making us feel more powerful and in control than we might be otherwise, as well as putting up a line of defense to what might be threatening us. It is often described in bellicose terminology, and truly, when we are angry, we are fighting; with another, with an idea or concept, with a construct we feel might hurt us. It is all-consuming, and ends with the condemnation of another.

In our anger, we may quickly do a great amount of damage, meaning to hurt another before being hurt ourselves. We have all seen these people, whose towering rage clears everything and everyone in their path. It is destructive, and meant to hurt. It is in the aftermath of such that the reality of what has been done to another comes to the forefront. None of us is perfect; we have all felt hurt by another, and we have all hurt another. Why? The reasons vary, but most have to do with the fact that information was miscommunicated, not understood, or was not heard at all. Does this justify our angry reaction? Not really. But we don’t think that way in the heat of the moment when something has caused us to be angry. There is a certain release in becoming angry when we have been frustrated or stymied by someone or something that satisfies some need in us to show that to the world. The words and actions we use to communicate this become the aftermath of our wrath, and it is not an easy path to follow.

What if…we were able to train ourselves to look at these situations in a different way? Of learning to step back, and assess the situation, as well as any danger or fear we might feel, and more reasonably decide how to navigate this new challenge? Sometimes it IS very difficult to find bright spots in difficult circumstances, and in those instances, looking for ways to heal for all involved will always serve us better than not. Even in these conditions, though, seeking future promise and potential may better prepare us to face similar predicaments as they appear. What would it look like for us to find praiseworthy things, lessons we learned, things we had never noticed before, about people and contexts that had formerly vexed us? What would we notice in others? Or in ourselves? Perhaps love, patience, care, hope. Finding a better way than life may have taught us, and then giving that back to the world is the first step on the  journey to better know ourselves and those around us.

Posted on

What the Mirror Reflects

Photo: prinzesskathrin/Pixabay

We all have different ideas about who we are. My idea of who I am may agree or conflict with someone else’s opinion. We have all noticed—though perhaps not of ourselves—that people are different in different situations. With our families, we are one person, and usually there are few secrets there, due to the time and experience we have with each other. We may feel, however, that we need to be more ‘serious’ at work or school, and may mute our sense of humor, or perhaps speak in a different way. Still, we tend to behave in ways that respond to our need to maintain our ‘self-image’ and act in ways that support that, as well as support our belief system.

This begs the question of what our self-image is, and how we came to believe this. In some cases, oft-repeated stories among family or friends help create it. We hear the story of our childhood, and this becomes part of our ‘legend.’ These stories, like the ‘tall tales’ they sometimes resemble, may change depending on who speaks and why the story is told. Our ‘story’ may be embellished or enhanced to better make their point. If this is your cultural reference point, it may be easier and more comfortable to accept this version of your story, because this is what your ‘group’ believes. Their version of your story may also hold up your belief in who you are, even if it’s wrong, particularly if it paints you in a good light. The more deeply held thoughts and actions we have point to how we see ourselves, or perhaps how we would like to see ourselves. 

As a child, my family moved quite a bit. There were many houses, many schools, many people while I grew up. When I was younger, it was easy to adapt to the new situations, and it was even exciting! As I entered my teen years, though, it became harder as my classmates and I faced the changes—physical, emotional, sexual, social—with little guidance on how to navigate this new world. In one move to another city, I began to create a persona that I thought would make me more appealing, and, in a certain way, untouchable to my peers. While this wasn’t the goal, I see it clearly in hindsight. 

So, I became a world-traveler, a young teen globe-trotter; more sophisticated than my peers, who, of course, couldn’t compete with this. I made time to study other countries, learned snippets of foreign expressions, and would chime in with ‘remembrances’ of things-not-experienced, in conversation. As you might imagine, this could be easily exposed, but to my surprise—and to my growing confidence—it was not. Of course, I was creating something that was false, and that couldn’t weather many storms. As I continued to grow, I began to realize that this was yet another costume I had tried on, that no longer fit, and that I could change it for another. I would not forget the lessons I’d taught myself, though, and they would inspire me to find ways of seeing those places at some point in time, and teach me to see and experience my world in a completely different way.

We are all many different people at different times in our lives, and we all play many roles in our lives, from son to brother to boyfriend to husband to banker to actor to writer. And they are all truly us; a particular facet of our personality that catches the light at different times. Each part of us that we put forward in turn, realizing that we are doing so, allows us to relax, to learn, and to become yet a better person, still growing, and taking our lives to the next level. Best of all, seeing these ‘roles’ we play for what they are, allows us, like actors on a stage, to ‘play’ in the truest sense of the word: finding new truth, and pulling others into our orbit to share that joy.

Posted on

Listening for Gratitude

Lockdown. Quarantine. The words of our current world situation, along with so many others. They are words of separation, of seclusion, perhaps of detention, and we resist them, and the situations they describe. From an early age, we seek freedom, learning (hopefully!) at some point that freedom means many things, and is not just a license to do as we please whenever we want. Sometimes these words are the ‘medicine’ we need, much as we may not like it, but hoping it will not be required for long, and that we will heal. We are social beings, and ‘alone’ is not generally something we actively seek, yet much of the world has found themselves in small groups, hoping it will help stop the pathogens of the pandemic we now face. We long for social contact: dinners with friends, church services, movie-theaters, sports events, days on the beach. These will return, but what to do until they do? The natural world, be it a hiking trail, a mountain lake, a local park, or even just the trees in your own backyard starting to blossom, producing tiny leaves, as Spring moves more fully into our lives, is a wonderful option. While it may not be the ideal ‘escape’ we long for, simply taking time to notice the rebirth of the earth after winter helps us to shift to a different perspective.

To notice the progress of the various flowers and trees blooming is amazing, though you have to really take the time to look at what is happening. A beautiful rose is always stunning to behold, but to watch it open, just a little, day-by-day, from tiny bud to maturity, helps tune us into a different frequency. From this new position, new for most of us who rush through the world knowing that such things happen, yet rarely make time to actually see them occur, it is nature’s way of helping quiet our minds. It also lets us know that there are things bigger, more vast, than ourselves. Then, once we are open to this, we can listen for gratitude. The gratitude of being able to experience the natural world, in whatever great or small way we can, in cities or in the country, that allows us to let go. There are no deadlines here, no right or wrong answers, only the truth. There is something about gratitude that opens us up, allowing possibilities we may never have considered before, to become more fully human, and to be connected with a silence that allows us to listen and to hear the sounds and vibrations that we couldn’t possibly have heard with the noise in our heads.

The natural world is one way of allowing us to come to stillness and quiet. The sound of the wind, of water in a stream or a fountain, the laughter of children are others that pull us from our concerns and give us a new perspective. This outward focus, leaving our ‘inside’ life behind for a time, and being able to really see those people and things that surround us, gives our lives deeper meaning, and gratitude is simply there.

Posted on

A Return to Innocence

Remember a time, perhaps long ago, when the world seemed magical, that everything was possible, that we could be awestruck by a butterfly, and feel love for everyone around us? An innocence born of not-knowing, of naïveté, of a child’s mind? A simple world that those of us who have children got to share the wonder of our children discovering life as they marvelled at rocks, trees, rabbits, flowers, tall buildings, the ocean; all being discovered and experienced for the first time as they grew. They are beings of pure love. 

Then we start to grow up, and somewhere, somehow, we begin to get too smart for those simple pleasures, as we are told that ‘happiness’ lies in our future, that sometimes we can’t trust our feelings, and that sometimes we should not say anything, even if it is true, and is obvious for everyone who sees it. And so we begin to drift away from our true identities, as we feel less and less, and think more and more. As we continue to grow up, our knowledge and sophistication increases, and some of the wondrous things we beheld before become just another view, object, animal, and we slowly become more and more numb to the world around us. Then we are stopped in our tracks by a beautiful sunset, a doe and her faun in our backyard, the simplicity of a picnic with our friends, and we remember those long-ago things that gave us such joy and that made our world so interesting.

Our state of unconsciousness may be contagious, and the environment we have created in our lives may foster staying that way. Not changing a thing even though we are sure that a change would be good for us is the path of surrender. Certainly unconsciousness is contagious , but so is awareness! If we only decide we want to end our life of surety and numbness, and feel once again, sometimes facing the unknown as we navigate this new direction, we can begin to affect the change, not only in our own lives, but in the world in which we live as well. This is an intelligence always present, an intelligence that causes our blood to flow, the earth to rotate, the sun to rise and set, and that happens without us needing to think, think, think. All we have to do is listen, look, and without judgement, take in what the world gives us. 

Letting go of our expectations, and simply accepting what comes, doing with it as we need, and letting it go yet again. Resisting the urge to judge what comes and of our expectations of it can be so very difficult, coming from our thinking mind. Seeing things for what they are, and not, perhaps how they might affect us, is our portal to being able to live a life more innocent, kind, and full of discovery and wonder. Our return to innocence…

Posted on

Navigating Transitions

Photo: geralt/Pixabay

Throughout life, humans deal with change. Because we become used to dealing with things in a particular way, sometimes the changes we face change us as people. We have all dealt with unpleasant circumstances, be it poor health, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, and these instances cause us to think about them in different ways. Our evolution as a species taught us to rely on our experiences and our knowledge of the world to navigate safely to the next stage. Sometimes, though, what has come before has not prepared us to handle the challenge we now face. How is it possible for us to relinquish those things behind us and take up things ahead?

We tend to approach many of these situations with fear, anxiety, and questioning ourselves. At our old job, we knew who we were, and how we fit into the world. When we were healthy, we could do so many things that are now difficult. Faced with these types of situations, we even wonder what our life should look like. Our only reference point is what has already happened, and that is no longer useful in helping us find our next steps. When a loved one dies—husband, wife, parent, friend—we mourn, knowing that our lives are forever changed. With this person no longer with us, we feel the sadness of loss, the feeling of helplessness, the child-like wonder of why this happened, but we also face this hard truth, and find ways to honor the time we had with them, searching for ways to fill the holes we now feel in our lives. And we have changed ourselves.

Perhaps no longer as carefree as we may have been at one time, but wiser, and more able to help others navigating these difficult passages, we move forward. Minute by minute, step by step, day by day, we begin to use the lessons we learned from our old friend, from the job we had, from the experience of healing our bodies and souls in a difficult time. By honoring our ‘golden’ past, and the joy we experienced with people, by doing work we enjoyed, of realizing our mortality, we are able to give it a more realistic, beneficial place in our memories and our lives, able to fully draw on these times to help ourselves and others face adversity and turn it an opportunity for growth. 

No one wants to go through difficult times, but we all face them at some point. We feel alone, as if this is the first time this has ever happened to anyone, and we need to offset the feeling of being the only one in the Universe experiencing what has happened. Now is the time to reach out, to friends, family, and let them know where you are, what you’re feeling, ask questions, and begin the dialogue that will lead to those first steps toward transition. Frightening as it may be, embrace the possibility of change, uncomfortable as it may be, and of saying goodbye to the job, the house, the relationship, or the person. An exit from one thing is always an entrance to another, offering opportunities that were not possible before this transition made them feasible.

Posted on

Stoke the Fire? Or Calm the Waters?

Photo: jplenio/Pixabay

It’s no secret that the people of this country are very divided right now. Recent events that ripped off old scabs have escalated into an international action in denouncing the long-hidden wrongs in our collective societies. On social media, I read very pointed posts about all subjects even vaguely related to these matters, which become heated, and somewhat uncivil ‘arguments’ online between people who have likely never met. I point out that when people are strangers, especially on the internet, things are said that would have never been said to someone standing right in front of you. The anonymity of the internet allows a ‘freedom’ that is not really ‘free.’ It is hurtful, painful, and is meant to belittle the recipient, without consequence for our careless, thoughtless words…because we can. To take a trip back in time to our kindergarten days, the old phrase of ‘your right to swing your arm ends where it connects with my nose,’ is more relevant than ever right now.

Right now, it seems that everything needs to become a debate or a power struggle. We need to be right, not because we are so sure of our convictions, but because it makes us feel more secure, more powerful, than the situation currently allows. It is one thing entirely to call out someone’s racist, sexist, bigoted rants, just as it is when they are offering blatantly false statements as factual. When it is simply a difference of opinion, however, what is accomplished by provoking someone just because you happen to disagree. If you’re a Conservative on a Liberal website, what exactly are you doing to further discussion on differing views? Attacking their platform itself certainly won’t do that, nor will belittling someone else. All that has been achieved is sowing bitterness and making people stick to their beliefs more strongly than ever. Any opportunity to persuade them to see what you have to offer them—and therefore yourself and your cause—is lost, probably forever. So what, again, was resolved?

Throughout most of our lives, we face situations that perplex us, and we wonder how to get through them the best way possible. Arguing with others largely raises our stress levels and blood pressures, and while things may be resolved in a particular way, the ‘compromise’ rarely satisfies anyone, and we are left feeling hurt or confused. Obvious choices sometimes are the best choices. Many people, who may not want to admit it, know what the right choice is, but feel that by admitting this, they are somehow weak, or diminished. These types of choices entail apologies, making things right, spending money to correct mistakes, and admitting they were mistaken and made the wrong choice. These actions, though, are the tacit agreement to do something simply because it is the right thing to do. 

It takes courage not to put oneself ahead of reaching out to another, not to withhold the needed words, to put yourself in their shoes and think about how you are making them feel. Yet, each time we swallow our pride and do it makes it that much easier the next time. And the time after that. What happens each time you offer your hand to another human being, and say, ‘Let’s make this right,’ allows true freedom to flourish, allows people to let go of the need to be right, and exponentially expands our capability to be better versions of the human beings we are.

Posted on

Letting Go Takes Practice

“Letting go” is a big part of life as we know it, and it’s easily tossed off as a glib piece of advice to someone who is not having a good day, perhaps recently broke off a relationship, or faced some disappointment that has stayed with them. And it is good advice. Holding on to things that no longer serve us, or perhaps put us in situations that can be detrimental is also very easy. We tend to hold on to the known pain, rather than face a new relationship, job, or situation that requires that we be open to new people, ideas, and activities. It’s the comfort with the familiar that keeps us shackled to the old, perhaps still painful, knowledge we gained in that role. We also hear things like, ‘Move on…,’ ‘Forget her. You’ll meet somebody else…,’ ‘It’s one job, and they don’t deserve you, so keep searching…’ are commonplace in conversations with friends and loved ones about what you’ve just been through, and though it’s over, you’re not quite on track to what lies ahead in your life. So how do we do this? This letting go, and moving on?

As many have noted, success in anything is a habit, practiced daily, and sometimes for a long time. If you wish to be a good golfer, working with a teaching pro will smooth out your swing, followed by time on the driving range, practicing what you’ve learned, then putting it into practice on the golf course, actually using your newly honed strokes playing golf and learning how to adapt to the challenges the actual course presents. ‘But what about those days at work where everything goes wrong, and we just can’t shake the feeling of failure. How do we practice for that? To move from sports to spiritual practices, which is what a lot of ‘letting go’ really is, there is no difference. Yoga has a highly physical element to what is actually a spiritual practice. Martial Arts, while they are spectacular to see in motion, are also a spiritual practice, with the underlying dynamic of learning to defend yourself and others so that you do not have to do so. Martial Arts take a great deal of practice to perfect and execute the physical demands the various disciplines require, but at base, they are centering, spiritual practices.

The above example of Martial Arts—which many see as aggressive and combative—takes incredible control to practice and become a Master, and the ultimate goal is not war and destruction. The latter is what we face when we have those difficult, challenging days that leave us angry, fearful, and eager to ‘pay back’ those who caused it. This is where the practice of centering ourselves, of finding that place of peace from which we can then navigate, helps us move toward forgiveness and peace, of ‘letting go’ and moving through life unburdened with negativity. It will be different for each of us, but it is so necessary in our lives. Seeking retribution, of ‘paying back’ for harm done to us, seeking the revenge we think will even the score and make us feel better, only serves to fuel the fire already burning, and leads us to causing an even greater wrong than me might have just experienced. Difficult as it may be, forgiveness and leaving the experience in our past is the only way through. Finding a way to say, perhaps only to ourselves, that this situation is awful, but that it will pass, and we will be the better for it in the end, is perhaps one of the ways we can practice forgiveness and letting go. Sometimes these will be empty words we try to feel, but the feeling of them being genuine and true eludes us, yet we still need to make the effort. The effort keeps our minds seeking ways to make this work for us, allowing us to practice letting go, even when we don’t feel it. This practice, this discipline, opens us to other solutions to help the pain we’ve felt, and ultimately, to being able to move forward more quickly, and with no regret, than we have ever been before. That is the beginning of the habit of finding love and forgiveness in the face of adversity.

Posted on

Choosing Kindness

It’s no secret that things in the world are out of whack, with the daily updates on the spread of the coronavirus, political infighting, and the like, and it is pretty easy to simply react to what is in front of us at any given moment. Times like these test us as humans, seeing what we are made of, so to speak, and what actions we take as we move through the day. Politically, there is a lot of rhetoric, which is not surprising, but a lot of what has been said needs to assign blame to one thing or another, whether the accusations are founded or not. People are panicking, hoarding supplies and food, and once obtained, hole themselves up and refuse to budge. And woe to anyone who gets in their way on this mission. Television does nothing to alleviate this situation, what with their ‘if it bleeds, it leads’ mantra, putting the most horrifying and inglorious happenings at the front of their broadcasts. Yes. It can be quite overwhelming. When informed that after today, a favorite restaurant would be closed for an uncertain time period, I thought of the waitstaff and others who count on this as their sole income, and wondered what they will do. I am somewhat relieved that some in this same boat, depending on sales to make a living, that their employers will be paying them a minimal wage, which is truly better than nothing, but not what they have become accustomed to making. And I feel helpless. And blessed that I am not in this same situation. And a bit guilty that I have been spared and others have not.

Amidst all this turmoil, I keep returning to something I was taught as a child. A phrase that is still with me: ‘Kindness never hurts anyone.’ Simple. Honest. Truthful. It takes a clear head, though, to remember this in times of stress, at those times we feel threatened and feel we must protect ourselves and our loved ones. This particular pandemic is still unknown in many ways, and as a result, we do not have the answers we need to feel anything like confidence when we navigate life and attempt to make good decisions. Something else this phrase evokes is that we are not the only person on the planet, who is ill, or, more likely, inconvenienced, by what is happening around us. Yes, it’s scary, and there are no easy answers—or comfort—to be had right now. Just unanswered questions, which make us all feel uncomfortable about the unknown in the world. It simply requires us to take a step back, perhaps a deep breath, or ten, and for us to see that we truly are in this together, and that helping each other is the best course of action. It was absolutely heart-warming to read about the number of grocery and drug stores that have carved out special hours for the elderly to shop, so that their safety is not compromised, and that they will be able to shop for the things they need, or that they might need, without the mayhem that crowds can bring to that situation. Again, taking the time to realize making it easier for us all to be in this together, is going to be the way through this particular crisis. In thinking of others, and not just ourselves, we become aware of ways in which others live, by choice or not, and simply knowing that fact can bring us a new perspective about life in this world.

This virus, this time, and the behavior we see out in the world will soon be history, but the decisions we make today, on our own, will be the memories that will last. I hope, and pray, that I am able to be kind to those I love, those I find annoying, those who are truly afraid and are acting out, and those who are trying to make a difference, in the lives of us all. Together.

Posted on

The Challenge of Change

Changing things in our lives—our habits, our jobs, where we live, and how we move through life—can sometimes be challenging. We all have great ideas of how we can improve one thing or another, how a different locale would be beneficial, and so forth, and we often create great ways to make those changes. It is at that time, or perhaps after an initial period of change, that we begin to think of how much easier things used to be before we started on this new track. New Year’s Resolutions seem to be some of the easiest to abandon, particularly if you look at the number of gyms and fitness centers that see a huge spike in membership during January, and then see use of their facilities and services drop precipitously by March. There are the determined few, though, who stick to their resolutions and begin to see and feel the changes they wanted. This is not, however, about resolutions, per se, but more about the difficulties we have in making lasting changes that truly do improve our health, our lives, or our jobs. Research suggests it takes about 66 days for a new habit to form, replacing the old habit or behavior. That 66 days could be shortened to 21 days, depending on what habit was being formed, or it could take nearly a year to become automatic behavior. The same research also suggests that the longer a new habit takes to form, the greater the possibility of dropping it altogether. The reason for this is while your conscious mind is reminding you to get up earlier, pull on your running togs and trainers and get outside for a morning run, you unconscious mind is reminding you how much easier your life would seem if you did not do that, and stayed in your comfort zone. Remaining in your comfort zone, however, is the equivalent of stasis. No movement. No improvement. Life, however, goes on whether or not we do or not. Not improving, not learning, not growing, all contribute to a life that never improves, no matter how much we say we want to change things.

What to do? Make. A. Move. Any move in the desired direction of change is fine. It doesn’t matter how small it is. Writing one sentence of your book-to-be. Running 50 yards as a start to your future Marathon. Tiny, tiny steps, most certainly, but they move us forward, and don’t allow us to mentally or physically atrophy, which is what happens when we do nothing at all. How to keep ourselves focused? We all know ourselves pretty well, so if you are the type that knows you are going to sleep in late, give yourself an out. Enlist an early-rising friend to call you at 5:30 AM as a reminder. Let others know what you’re doing, and what you want to accomplish. Each day you don’t sleep in late, and force yourself to lace up your trainers to get yourself out the door, is one day closer to your goal. And as you take those first steps on your morning run, you are closer still to that Marathon than you were before. Each sentence written for your book leads to other thoughts and more sentences that form the basis of the story you tell. That last thought I know all too well, and am too familiar with the book-that-never-was, but that has become the book-on-its-way. Twenty-one days? Sixty-six days? No. But it is coming into being, word by word, sentence by sentence, and at some point, it will take on a life of its own, and I will simply be its copywriter as the story unfolds in book form. 

So, write that sentence. Do that sit-up. Run to the end of the driveway. Act. Begin. And be prepared to see the changes you desire, as well as those wonderful things that happen because you took action.

Posted on

Listening for Compassion

Listening is often difficult. From the time we are children, hearing our parents telling us to listen to what they are saying, to sitting in classrooms, knowing we should be listening, but are not, to more dire situations where we are hanging onto every word because not listening at that moment could make the situation worse, we have trouble listening to others. And, we get annoyed when we realize others are not listening to us. The relationship of speaker and listener certainly affects our efforts at understanding what is being said: think of a boss speaking to one of her employees about the work at hand, a situation where the best course of action is to listen carefully and then ask questions about things we might not understand. Still, we all want to be heard and quite often, we are formulating our response to what we believe is being said before the other person is finished speaking. One person finishes, and the questions begin. ‘Can you clarify…?’ ‘I’m not sure I understand the purpose of that step…?’ ‘How does this relate to…?’ ‘Shouldn’t we call in accounting (etc.) for this…?’ The original speaker, somewhat puzzled, then replies, ‘I addressed that point when I said….’ The back-and-forth begins, and at some point a consensus is reached when both parties feel that they were both heard and understood.

How many of us experience this situation daily, and on multiple occasions? We are not trying to be difficult, but trying to understand what is being asked, and how we might help the person speaking. Each of us, however, has their own life, their own agenda, family, responsibilities, ambitions, hopes and prayers that we we never really forget about, even in a situation where our full attention is required for other things. Remembering that we have two ears and one mouth, and that the proportion of hearing to talking should probably follow the same ratio, is something we rarely remember in the heat of discussion. When we are engaged, we get excited about new challenges—whether at work or play—and our minds go into overdrive, thinking of the possibilities and figuring out how things will work with the new idea. This enthusiasm is fantastic! Now how to put things into action? Living in a world where we are always reachable, having grown accustomed to the ever-faster pace of life, though, we have lost some of the ability to slow down, reach a still point, and really think of how we will address the new challenge. Slowing down in order to more deeply listen opens our minds further, to see directions, solutions, and outcomes we might have missed in our readiness to begin a new activity. Historically, and from multiple disciplines and philosophies, the world’s greatest teachers, sages, and leaders all sought to withdraw, to slow down, to deeply think about what they were facing. Some faced political ruin, some imprisonment, while others faced certain death or exile. 

We rarely face this sort of dire outcome in our daily lives, but how to create the time and space to let ourselves really breathe, calm our minds, and make decisions on how to go forth? The answer: Go within. In freeing your mind, and allowing free-associations to come to you, suddenly problems and challenges are less daunting, and we are able to begin to see how, step-by-step, we can face what is confronting us. This can be done in many ways, but a few things come to mind when addressing this. First, journaling: putting our thoughts, fears, hopes, and so forth on paper with a pen lets us see physically what is occupying our thoughts, and we can then begin to create steps that might help solve these issues. Second, many people list things for which they are grateful to have in their lives: wife/husband, children, financial security, a good job, good friends, and so on. The beauty of this is that it can be done with a pen and paper, or simply sitting in a chair, vocally or mentally listing things for which they are grateful. A bonus of doing this, is that it is actually impossible to be grateful and angry or fearful at the same time. Others meditate to slow their lives, while others run long distances, as the physical action is what they need to calm and open their mind. Whatever you choose, if one of these, or something else entirely, and whether this activity begins or ends your day, or possibly refocuses you in the middle of the maelstrom, matters not. Giving yourself, as well as others around you, the time, space, and the consideration needed to center your mind, slow down, and begin to more deeply listen for answers that will ultimately help us to be more compassionate is just the beginning.