Tag: Behavioral Change

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Speed Bumps

Photo: Clker-Free-Vector-Images/Pixabay

Everyone’s dealt with them in traffic: the speed bump.  Near intersections, school crossings, hospitals, etc. And we drive over them and go on our way. But what about those speed bumps life throws at us?  Unexpectedly? Or maybe we weren’t paying attention and all-of-a-sudden we feel that jarring feeling, and think, what was that? Being sick is one of those speed bumps for me. As a fairly healthy person in good shape, being in bed, sleeping 16 hours a day, with breaks to take whatever is alleviating the symptoms I’m facing, is not my favorite way to go through a day. There’s no guilt, per se, as it happens to everyone, but I’m just annoyed, because, like all exceptional people—and aren’t we all?—THIS doesn’t happen to ME!!! So there’s annoyance, and then acceptance, and then the turning into a four-year-old again when people ask how you’re doing. And all adults do this. I do. You do. Even if we’re reluctant to admit it.  But that’s not all bad, though.  Embracing the child in you allows you to sleep peacefully, knowing you’re being watched over—yes, even when alone—and lets you give yourself permission to have hot chocolate in the middle of the day, with whipped cream(!), and then go back to sleep to rest until whatever ails you decides it’s had enough, and departs. And then it’s back to work, to school, to life, and to pick up the pieces we put down during our time out.

But…what if those speed bumps are more continuous? A bad road perhaps? The continuous onslaught of a bad job, or relationship, or situation that just doesn’t go away, like a cold or other temporary discomfort, and we are forced to deal with it day in and day out? Not something hot chocolate, even with whipped cream, can make us see in a different light. How do we deal with those? Initially, we can search for a scapegoat, that harbinger of doom bringing this upon us, causing all this trouble for us, and seeking to get rid of its presence. Scapegoats, of course, are not the cause of whatever ails us, but the wished-for ‘reason’ for our situation.  Looking deeper into the cause of our discomfort sometimes brings us way too close to home: a look at ourselves. Of our habits. Of our desires. Of the things that keep us doing the same things every day, yet expecting different results. No, it’s not a jarring ‘speed-bump’ bounce and on the way, but more a wake-up call to change things on a permanent level. To look deeper and ask why we are doing something in a particular way, at a particular time, when we can see and feel it’s not serving us. Being comfortable with where we are is a human trait, and we are sometimes more ‘comfortable’ being ‘uncomfortable’ with a known habit, trait, or behavior, than we are in trying to change something for the better. EVEN WHEN WE KNOW THAT CHANGE IS THE BETTER WAY. This can be so hard to face. When we face it at all. But it is the only way out of the daily ‘insanity’ that accepting something we know to be harmful presents. It’s why we call a friend and say, ‘I need help with this, because I can’t always see it.’ Or why we create a way of changing things, in small ways perhaps, that allow us to begin to change our behavior to avoid these incessant ‘speed bumps.’

It can be writing every day. My favorite. Or planning a garden. Or simply deciding what the future can be is far more enticing than what is, and then taking those baby steps, each minute, each day, to beginning to LIVE each day differently than before.

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Sacred Cows

photo: D. Barr

‘If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to.’

—Lao Tzu                       

We all have ‘sacred cows,’ those items, actions, or ideas that are unassailable, untouchable, that we associate with the good things in our lives. They may give us structure, and help us make decisions. While religiously associated with Hinduism and Buddhism, secularly, the term has come to signify things in our lives that not only cannot be touched, but that cannot be changed in any way. Churches find it difficult to update their Prayer Books, because so many know the current edition, and see the change as nearly blasphemous. It is not, of course, but usually a needed change to better reflect our society, as opposed to the world for which it was written twenty-five, fifty, or two-hundred years ago. At a personal level, we develop habits that become automatic behaviors and allow us to do somewhat mundane things, like preparing the morning coffee, or brushing our teeth, without having to put a lot of thought into them, freeing our minds for other things.

Change…can be scary. When change is required, we slow down considerably, trying to remember the new method, the new words, the new steps to accomplish something we’d come to take for granted. And, like learning anything new or complicated, it can be frustrating. A running coach trying to improve an athlete’s stride to make it more efficient, faster, and less tiring, faces difficult days, as the runner attempts to internalize the coach’s advice to become better. It. Is. Difficult. And it is frustrating to both parties, as our prior knowledge and experience with a particular activity has informed our intelligence and we feel more comfortable with the ‘old way.’ It is when we are presented with new possibilities, however, difficult as they may be to conceive at first, that allows us to thrive, and to do things we never thought possible.

The opportunity to see and experience things from a different perspective presents us a new way to navigate our lives. The old church prayers may still mean a lot to us, but words of the new Prayer Book may help us to see things in a novel way, leading us to other thoughts that enhance our understanding of what we already know, and letting us build our knowledge to help others understand as well. The slight changes the running coach proposed may take stress off our legs, or other groups of muscles we use when running, leading to a smoother, easier stride, a faster pace, and less soreness afterward, leaving the runner able to better recover from her training sessions, and to then prepare for the next session or competition. Taken in tiny bites, tiny steps, the path to changing our minds, our thoughts, our habits, becomes easier, and eliminates much of the fear of change we have. Mastering each small step, and taking the time we need to do so, allows us to build confidence in the process, and the ultimate change becomes less scary and more desirable.

When we open ourselves to new possibilities, uncomfortable or unexpected as they may be, our ‘sacred cows’ can calmly reside within our hearts and thoughts. When we learn new things, and they begin to become a part of our thoughts, we can begin to see how our sacred cows helped pave the way to new understanding. It is being open to the unexpected and the novel that allows us to grow, to understand, and to better recognize how we can come together to create a world that needs this kind of unity to exist.