Life moves at the speed of light, it seems sometimes, and keeping up can be difficult at times. As humans, we are constantly expressing our wants and needs to others, and seeking ways to fulfill our wishes. But, also because we are humans, sometimes understanding another’s reasoning behind things can be tricky, at best. We all express ourselves in different ways, and way too many times, the true meaning gets lost, or is interpreted differently than the speaker intended it to be understood. And we get frustrated, or angry, or both. All of a sudden, the path in front of us is not clear, and that can produce a fear response. In a second, a question-and-answer moment has turned into an argument, with accusations, with plenty of ‘You Should…’ as we fight to be understood. All of a sudden, two people have divided into two camps, determined to ‘win’ and make themselves understood, in order to claim a hollow ‘victory’ for themselves. And what has been accomplished? Absolutely nothing. Nothing, unless you count the seething anger that lingers after such moments, which is not how things began.
Where to now? How do we calm down and assume a kinder disposition and continue with our day? Deep breaths, of course. A mental ‘Calm down!’ Telling ourselves it’s okay, and so forth. And the deep breaths do help, as these trigger our physical response to being newly oxygenated, and we do physically calm down. The other phrases we tell ourselves can help, too, but largely they help us move on from the event, which is also helpful. The thing I have found the most helpful, however, is an exercise I refer to as ‘Count your Blessings.’ When a situation has gone out of control, and anger and fear are building within us, I try to reach a state where I begin to say, ‘I am grateful for….’ My husband, my family, my health, my fill-in-the-blank of things I am grateful are a part of my life. Starting with the obvious ones, like family, or your relationships, can be a big help in continuing the list, and really thinking about what you are grateful for having in your life, and letting that phrase really sink in and affect you. Somewhat quickly, the deep breaths you may have taken to help you calm yourself have turned into an easy breathing pattern, as the mental stress begins to dissipate as you begin to focus on the things in your life that bring you true happiness. Continuing to list the things for which you’re grateful also lets your subconscious take over, and things begin to be listed that maybe you had forgotten about, or didn’t remember in the heat of the moment that brought you here. That great hike in Oregon from last summer’s vacation, and the glorious sunset that closed out the day. Your child’s homemade Christmas ornaments that you both had such fun making. And all of a sudden, it becomes more difficult to remember why you were angry, and makes it easier to move through the rest of your day.
Gratitude simply doesn’t permit fear and anger to be a part of the mix. Bringing gratitude into situations that upset us allows us to let go of those emotions and bring ourselves back into feeling love. From this point, we are capable of doing so much, and we bring ourselves and the love now governing us, to whatever we do, and to the people we see.