Tag: challenges

Posted on

Not Judging the Mundane

Everyone loves excitement and new experiences in their lives. We take vacations to places both familiar and exotic, reveling in the differences of that place as opposed to our ‘usual’ place. We watch movies and hear concerts for stories and music played live rather than recorded, and we read books to learn about so many things beyond our own world. And we will continue to do so because it enriches us, makes us think about people and the world in a different way. Sometimes it reinforces what we already think, and it is good to see those familiar things expressed from a different point of view. 

What about the mundane things in our lives? Those less exciting parts of life that need to be done like the laundry, cutting the grass, doing homework, or reports at work, and all those things we have judged to be less-than-interesting. What about those? Many of us approach those things with an ‘I just need to get this done,’ usually as quickly as possible, before moving on to something else. And that’s fine. Cutting grass as I was growing up was hardly my favorite thing to do, but it was one of the expectations my parents had of me, and there was no negotiating this. So I did it. At first, I was a bit irritated, especially in the hot, humid Midwestern summers that made me think this time would be better spent on a tennis court: if I were going to be out in this weather, I might as well be doing something I really enjoyed. So I begrudgingly finished cutting the grass, and then headed to the local courts of a game of tennis with a friend. What if, instead of bolting through the task at hand—cutting the grass—I had simply accepted it as a part of my life, which it was, and gave it the attention it deserved. Doing a good job, just because it was one of my responsibilities, and doing it well enough to actually take pleasure in the fact that I had done it well? That would have been beyond me at that time of life, but looking back at that, what if I had given it the best I could do, and then gone off to do something I deemed more satisfactory? As Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us, be fully mindful of what you’re doing, as you’re doing it. He promises nothing but peace of mind and soul when we operate that way. 

Taking each thing, or task, or challenge, as life presents it to us, giving it our full attention, and navigating it as best we can is a great example of living fully in the present. As the present is all we really have, why do we all fight this? Most of us have ‘better things to do’ in most cases, and we would really rather get to them, rather than reach them through the other obstacles in life. These little, seemingly mundane activities are actually a fantastic time to teach ourselves to give due attention the folding the laundry, washing the dishes, and, of course, cutting the grass; learning how to quickly focus our attention for the best result possible. And that is a skill anyone can take to the bank, as the saying goes, as it will become the core of how we navigate life and face problems.

Posted on

Reconnecting…with What Truly Matters

To every story there is an end. Life goes on. Things change. And we adapt, or not, but the stories that comprise our lives come to an end as well, in one form or another. We fall in love, hopefully forever, but sometimes it doesn’t work out, and both parties go on to the next chapter, wherever that might take them. Even when that love does, indeed, last a lifetime, humans are not immortal, and we succumb to that final separation. Many things have hoped-for endings: seeking a degree, finalizing the details for your new start-up company, purchasing a house. But the stories that make up our lives end at some point. We have all been in relationships, romantic or otherwise, where we begin to see little signs of the end coming into view. New interests on the part of your business partners that don’t particularly include you and your talents might be one case. Seeing an equal at work being assigned better projects of the sort you used to get when things were better. The little signals that start the thought process and realizing that things have changed and that it’s time to react. 

I’m here right now at work. I’m seeing my counterpart at work assigned better projects, work better schedules, and have more responsibility. And I’m okay with that. The current position I hold was not a career move for me, but an exit strategy for the industry segment in which I work. During my interview process, of course, I didn’t use the phrase, “exit strategy,” but it was all the same. I believe I said that I wanted to create more time for family, writing, and music: all things that had been neglected due to my then-hectic, completely full schedule over a number of years. I also was a cheerleader of and for the company for whom I now work during the interviewing, and I said I wanted to continue to work in this industry, and I would bring a lot of experience with client service and satisfaction, and so forth. And they loved my honesty, eventually offered me a position, and so our relationship began. And it has been one of the most incredible times of my life. Each day at work, I get to interact and play with one of the best teams I’ve ever worked with in any industry, at any time in my life, and for them I am grateful. The work itself is not quite what I thought it would be, nor did I create quite the amount of time for family, writing and music as I originally thought I would, but it has been a time of personal growth and reckoning, not to mention taking action to create that ‘better world’ I had in mind when I undertook to make the switch from my former company to this one.

Nonetheless, I am seeing signs that our relationship may be coming to an end. I will remain in touch with the friends I’ve made here. I’ve also made it clear that I did not come here to pursue career interests, but to create time and space for other things; things that excite and challenge me to be a better person, and that at some point there would be an exit. Now I feel I’m coming to a time where it will be time to act; to put up or shut up, as it were. And I am preparing myself for that day. Like the learning I’ve experienced, which has been difficult at times, mostly because what I’ve learned were things I should have learned earlier, but that circumstances didn’t allow earlier, the next step, a transitional step, will require a great deal of courage, of introspection, and trust. Thanks to the present situation, I now know I will be okay through this progression, and I have only to say thank you. Thank you to the team I work with now. Thank you for whatever forces provided me with this opportunity to learn, as well as the insight to see what I needed to do. And thank you to all my friends, family, and other loved ones for supporting me through this time.

Posted on

Living to the Fullest

Photo: ludi/PIxabay

‘Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.’

                    —Jim Rohn 

Change does not come easily to most adults. We like our routines, our expected outcomes, and the knowledge that we do know what to expect in particular situations. We are comfortable with these things, and it does, indeed, make life a bit easier to navigate at times. When things are going well for us—meaning we are satisfied with our lives as they are—change is not particularly welcome. The unexpected late nights at work, the report that needs to be finished by tomorrow, the client demands necessitating change to the plans already made for them, and so very many more. Change is a speed bump on our well known, smooth road, yet it can be the chance to experience things in different ways that affect how we think about them.

Small changes, baby steps, minute adjustments, and whatever other terms we use to begin changing things in our lives, often make bigger changes smoother. When we began school at a young age, this was often either exciting or frightening, depending on how we viewed this new format in front of us. In either case, we were there, getting used to new people, new activities, and the change in how we moved through our lives, which was markedly different from our home-based life before this event. It is here, however, that we begin to learn the socialization that helps guide us through our lives as we grow and mature.

‘Hi,’ we say to the person sitting next to us at the table, opening a door to conversation and to get to know someone else. They may reply, or not, but we just took our first step in adapting to the change we now face. While it might be one of those ‘baby steps,’ it still puts us out there, in our own society, and we begin to learn how to meet people, have a conversation, find things in common with another, and to become just a little more comfortable in this new situation. If the person to whom we said ‘Hi’ does not respond, we may take a further chance and tell them our name, and then ask theirs. As adults, we are placed in these sorts of situations constantly, and it is easy to forget the fear or confusion we might have felt in this position as a much younger person.

Occurrences like the one above can be the bedrock of experiencing change on one level, and embracing it on another level entirely. Those minute adjustments we make in ourselves in order to make a new situation more acceptable, not only for ourselves, but for others as well, allow us to absorb the nuances of newness, let us learn how to interact with others, adapt to unfamiliar circumstances, and learn to see things in different ways; not just those we know and love. While our tried-and-true beliefs and habits will always be there for us when we need them, by accepting the challenges of change in our lives, we are putting ourselves in the position of opening doors to better our lives by learning and accepting that the world will always present the ‘different,’ the ‘unusual,’ and the ‘unfamiliar.’ 

We are taking life by the horns, and making changes ourselves that will allow us to be better, more understanding, and acceptable people. Rather than leaving it to chance…

Posted on

The Challenge of Change

Changing things in our lives—our habits, our jobs, where we live, and how we move through life—can sometimes be challenging. We all have great ideas of how we can improve one thing or another, how a different locale would be beneficial, and so forth, and we often create great ways to make those changes. It is at that time, or perhaps after an initial period of change, that we begin to think of how much easier things used to be before we started on this new track. New Year’s Resolutions seem to be some of the easiest to abandon, particularly if you look at the number of gyms and fitness centers that see a huge spike in membership during January, and then see use of their facilities and services drop precipitously by March. There are the determined few, though, who stick to their resolutions and begin to see and feel the changes they wanted. This is not, however, about resolutions, per se, but more about the difficulties we have in making lasting changes that truly do improve our health, our lives, or our jobs. Research suggests it takes about 66 days for a new habit to form, replacing the old habit or behavior. That 66 days could be shortened to 21 days, depending on what habit was being formed, or it could take nearly a year to become automatic behavior. The same research also suggests that the longer a new habit takes to form, the greater the possibility of dropping it altogether. The reason for this is while your conscious mind is reminding you to get up earlier, pull on your running togs and trainers and get outside for a morning run, you unconscious mind is reminding you how much easier your life would seem if you did not do that, and stayed in your comfort zone. Remaining in your comfort zone, however, is the equivalent of stasis. No movement. No improvement. Life, however, goes on whether or not we do or not. Not improving, not learning, not growing, all contribute to a life that never improves, no matter how much we say we want to change things.

What to do? Make. A. Move. Any move in the desired direction of change is fine. It doesn’t matter how small it is. Writing one sentence of your book-to-be. Running 50 yards as a start to your future Marathon. Tiny, tiny steps, most certainly, but they move us forward, and don’t allow us to mentally or physically atrophy, which is what happens when we do nothing at all. How to keep ourselves focused? We all know ourselves pretty well, so if you are the type that knows you are going to sleep in late, give yourself an out. Enlist an early-rising friend to call you at 5:30 AM as a reminder. Let others know what you’re doing, and what you want to accomplish. Each day you don’t sleep in late, and force yourself to lace up your trainers to get yourself out the door, is one day closer to your goal. And as you take those first steps on your morning run, you are closer still to that Marathon than you were before. Each sentence written for your book leads to other thoughts and more sentences that form the basis of the story you tell. That last thought I know all too well, and am too familiar with the book-that-never-was, but that has become the book-on-its-way. Twenty-one days? Sixty-six days? No. But it is coming into being, word by word, sentence by sentence, and at some point, it will take on a life of its own, and I will simply be its copywriter as the story unfolds in book form. 

So, write that sentence. Do that sit-up. Run to the end of the driveway. Act. Begin. And be prepared to see the changes you desire, as well as those wonderful things that happen because you took action.