Tag: change

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Walking the Labyrinth

Photo: SplitShare/Pixabay

Most of us learn very quickly that life is more apt to throw us twists and curves than it is to throw us easily navigated paths. It sometimes seems rather more like a labyrinth, with many dead ends and false paths. Like walking the labyrinth, though, we learn that the unintended endings and such were not bad things, but things that taught us just one of the ways we could not walk through, but that we needed to search for others. We will find the right door, if we will just be patient—largely with ourselves—and keep searching. 

The past few years of my own life have been a bit like this, starting with a large corporate layoff from a company I liked, admired, and I really enjoyed being there and the work I did. When the layoff news came, I was stunned and did not know what to do or where to turn. Later that afternoon, I decided to do something I have always done and turn to my physical body for answers. By this, I mean I put my body in motion as that has always been my truest self and it is when moving that I hear the truest answers. I went for a run. As I began the run back home, running smoothly on a country road by a beautiful farm, I became aware of a slight buzzing sound that only grew in volume as I continued my run home. Quickly, I realized I was running within a large swarm of dragonflies. Alarmed at first, but then realizing I was in no danger I relaxed back into my pace, the dragonflies following me for a little while, and then going off on their own, leaving me alone to finish running. After arriving home, I looked up dragonflies and their meaning, to find that dragonflies are the harbingers of change. Certainly, this day, that rang true for me. My life had already changed greatly since rising that morning, and would continue to change for a few years to come.

Within a short while, I did find another job, similar to the previous one I had liked, but the differences were enough for me to decide to leave after a year. Another job, different from the last in many ways, lasted a couple of years before COVID-19 changed the way we all work, at least for a while. And, of course, another job replaced that one as well. It is not perfect, and I would prefer things to be different in particular ways, but it has been interesting to see, not only the path I’ve traveled, but of the things I learned while moving through these circumstances. Patience is the key term here. Not being known for saintly patience by nearly everyone I know, it is so interesting to ‘observe’ myself—in retrospect—as someone who patiently deals with clients, adverse situations, and makes a great effort to get as much out of every situation in which I find myself as I possibly can. Walking the labyrinth…

In our lives, we are all not just trying to find our path, our purpose, our center, but to help others find theirs as well. Patience may try us at times as we try to do this, but finding it, again and again, only serves to teach, not only ourselves, but those with whom we keep company, or who watch us from afar, or who simply cross our paths at the right time. It also shows us what we truly seek: our true path of life.

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Where We Are Now

Photo: LN_Photoart/Pixabay

During my life as a child, my family moved quite a bit. In the first twelve years of my life, I lived in Charleston and then Lewisburg, WV, moving to Knoxville, TN before moving to Memphis, TN, on to Columbus, OH, and finally to Chicago, IL , where we spent a rock-steady six years. When I tell this to people, many are aghast at this steadily constant change as a child, and usually say something along the lines of ‘How awful to be exposed to constant change when you were so young!’ The first few times I heard this, I was quite surprised, as my memories of these events, the change, new people and schools, was quite pleasant, and even exciting. This was normal. I realized as I grew older and watched kids moving into the Chicago area struggle to find friends, be accepted by peers, and try to bring pieces of their own past to their current situation, I realized that they were struggling, and I did, in complete empathy, reach out to them, starting with a ‘Hello.’ While that ended up with a few friends, many were wary of the new society of which they were now a part of, and yet, still trying to figure out how to navigate these new circumstances.

One of the things I realized, much later as an adult, is that I was taught to go into these new situations with an open mind and a curiosity bred by the travel I had done in addition to living in new cities and states. Both of my parents worked hard to help my sister and I adapt to the new places, making sure we understood where we were now, its history, and we established ourselves in this new place by joining a church where we felt welcome, and that welcomed our presence, as well as becoming a part of our school life, with after-class clubs and sports as well. Learning about our new city, its history and our place in it made us care about where we were, and to look for ways we could make it better. Of course, what this created was an attitude of making the most of where we are now. We still had friends in the old places, with whom we kept up with via letters, postcards and the occasional Holiday or Birthday phone call. 

With the world we live in now such a transient place for so many, the secret to making the most of where we are now is not looking for the next move, as one might think, but of making where we are now the best situation for us, right now. Learning, teaching, taking part in the events, celebrations, community service, school, work in a specific place imbues us with a specific knowledge of that place and its people, but more importantly, it teaches us to adapt freely and easily, and that we can improve things just by deciding to learn new means and ways, and beginning to see our new circumstances with new eyes…where we are now.

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Living to the Fullest

Photo: ludi/PIxabay

‘Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.’

                    —Jim Rohn 

Change does not come easily to most adults. We like our routines, our expected outcomes, and the knowledge that we do know what to expect in particular situations. We are comfortable with these things, and it does, indeed, make life a bit easier to navigate at times. When things are going well for us—meaning we are satisfied with our lives as they are—change is not particularly welcome. The unexpected late nights at work, the report that needs to be finished by tomorrow, the client demands necessitating change to the plans already made for them, and so very many more. Change is a speed bump on our well known, smooth road, yet it can be the chance to experience things in different ways that affect how we think about them.

Small changes, baby steps, minute adjustments, and whatever other terms we use to begin changing things in our lives, often make bigger changes smoother. When we began school at a young age, this was often either exciting or frightening, depending on how we viewed this new format in front of us. In either case, we were there, getting used to new people, new activities, and the change in how we moved through our lives, which was markedly different from our home-based life before this event. It is here, however, that we begin to learn the socialization that helps guide us through our lives as we grow and mature.

‘Hi,’ we say to the person sitting next to us at the table, opening a door to conversation and to get to know someone else. They may reply, or not, but we just took our first step in adapting to the change we now face. While it might be one of those ‘baby steps,’ it still puts us out there, in our own society, and we begin to learn how to meet people, have a conversation, find things in common with another, and to become just a little more comfortable in this new situation. If the person to whom we said ‘Hi’ does not respond, we may take a further chance and tell them our name, and then ask theirs. As adults, we are placed in these sorts of situations constantly, and it is easy to forget the fear or confusion we might have felt in this position as a much younger person.

Occurrences like the one above can be the bedrock of experiencing change on one level, and embracing it on another level entirely. Those minute adjustments we make in ourselves in order to make a new situation more acceptable, not only for ourselves, but for others as well, allow us to absorb the nuances of newness, let us learn how to interact with others, adapt to unfamiliar circumstances, and learn to see things in different ways; not just those we know and love. While our tried-and-true beliefs and habits will always be there for us when we need them, by accepting the challenges of change in our lives, we are putting ourselves in the position of opening doors to better our lives by learning and accepting that the world will always present the ‘different,’ the ‘unusual,’ and the ‘unfamiliar.’ 

We are taking life by the horns, and making changes ourselves that will allow us to be better, more understanding, and acceptable people. Rather than leaving it to chance…

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If You Want to Change Your Life, Change Your Mouth…

Our days tend to be filled with talking.  Meetings, phone calls, socializing, and we all have our favorite subjects—both negative and positive—that we discuss, ponder, praise, and complain about, all while speaking to others, or sometimes only to ourselves. As children, we hear, ‘Sticks and Stones will break my Bones, but words will never hurt me….’ But is that really true? How many of us have been undone, for days or week sometimes, by careless words we’ve overheard, and take them for the truth? Pretty much all of us. And while the source of these words—girlfriend, teacher, boss—may matter in how we process them, they do matter. And they can hurt. While it’s interesting to overhear compliments about the recent project we successfully navigated at work, the play we just directed, for some reason, we don’t take these to heart quite as much as we do the negative comments. But what about the comments and the conversation that goes on in small ways: a remark to a co-worker, a thought while driving to work, a gripe about something that just happened. What about those? Most of us tend to dismiss them as harmless, as something that doesn’t even enter our consciousness, but as simple little throw-away words or phrases.

But they are not.

In any way.

There is an old folk belief that when something is vocalized, it is. That is, by vocalizing, speaking of something, we bring it to being. It becomes something of its own, and begins a life of its own. And, at that point, we, as humans, become the conjurer, the wizard, who has brought this thought, idea, or invention to life, but cannot control its path or its destiny. While a bit like Dr. Frankenstein in Mary Shelley’s novel, in that we’ve created a new life form, cobbled from bits and pieces of our life, usually negative, what we have really created is a ‘being’ of negative energy that feeds on every thought, every nuance, and every situation in our life. Why do I know this? Because when you reverse the equation, of NOT speaking in negative ways about your co-workers, the project at hand, the disgruntled clients, something truly magical happens. When what comes out of your mouth—even to yourself—is intentionally NOT NEGATIVE, an unusual thing begins to happen: you begin to see the situation at hand FOR WHAT IT IS, not what you think of it. That realization alone begins to show you that this is not something sent by the gods to irritate you, or your day, but simply something that occurred that must now be addressed.  And yes, THAT can be annoying.  Because we all have expectations.

If we cling to those expectations, and begin to parse what went wrong, we end up in blame, or cursing, but to do so only allows those inclinations to grow. We then have conversations or arguments in our heads with others who are not present, saying things we would probably never say to another human being, and, if present to our bodies, begin to feel the shortness of breath, the tightening of the chest, the fight-or-flight instinct growing, and for what? A ‘conversation’ that will never take place, have any effect, or influence any outcome, yet leave us exhausted with the symptoms of heart disease.

What if…. What if we decided, instead of going into battle stance, to look at what we can and cannot control, let go of that which we cannot control, and simply accept the current situation for what it is. And then manoeuvre as best we can, given what we know, and our ability to change things for the better? And not complain or speak of what we can’t influence? And NOT speak of those things, so as not to ‘give them life’ and bring them into being?  And isn’t that what life is?

I’ve found the tenets of this essay to be invaluable to my own life, and I challenge you all to adopt some form of them in yours. When challenged, really think: can I change/influence this? Or is this beyond my control? If so, can I simply let it go? And when tempted, can I release something that angered or challenged me? And if I doubt the above, can I try to do so, just to see what might happen?

In the above questions and situations, I’m always challenging myself to be better, to rise above the situation, and to do the right thing. And yes, I fail. But, it’s okay. Because I’ve learned something about me that might need work, but I’ve found a new path to pursue….

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The Means to Change…

We have all been in situations during our lives that are not ideal, those instances we find ourselves in circumstances that allow us to create something else, something greater, than where we are during these times.  And sometimes those times are annoying, even painful, due to the events that led us to this position. And sometimes we are there on purpose, a scheme in place to use the situation to our advantage to think, to plan how to reach a higher level, whatever that means to each of us.  That last is where I am at the moment. I’m using skills I’ve developed through years of sales, account management, and learning how to develop people and business to create time. In taking a step back, both in terms of compensation and position, I’ve found the time and means to think and remember what I wanted when I was much younger.  When anything seemed possible if you just wanted it enough. Before some of life’s harsher lessons taught you to be more wary, and safer. And I’m remembering the big things, like wanting to be a writer, from the time I was a little boy, and probably wasn’t entirely sure why. Because playing with words was just so cool, and how awesome it could be to spend your days creating new worlds, new stories, and then the pleasure of telling them to others.  What a way to live! And of course, as soon as any dreamer, of any age, declares their vision, the resistance begins. From others. From situations. And life interferes, and that beautiful vision of that beautiful child is somehow pushed to the side, to be looked at sideways, longing to jump into the middle of it, and make it come alive. And for some, that’s where it ends. And in my case, I thought it had, and I had made peace with the life I now led, with its incidental pleasures of moving through this world I really hadn’t created, but somehow happened upon, and I took up residence.  

Until last year. When a work layoff put me out of that world, which I quickly—but badly, I must admit—recreated in a certain way, and finally reached a point where I couldn’t take it any longer and decided to step away from the path I was on to just get my bearings.  And to see that the trail I’d been following for far too long was just not going to get me anywhere I could see happiness, and that perhaps straying off the path—on purpose—would help me see the woods, and, if I was lucky, find a way back to the original dream. And so I left that job, and found a group of people who thought what I was doing was a great idea, and that we could work together as I was doing it.  And so it began. Yes, I’m dealing with situations I know how to negotiate, as well the clients of the place I am now, and I work with a team that show me, each day, how to move through life in a way that is positive, and that what I am doing in my time away from work is a great thing, and they’re interested in seeing what I’m doing. And I am finding I am amongst writers: journalists, aspiring novelists, bloggers! And they offer their help with their specialty, if I need it, or with other related things like computer savvy!  I am now building my new world, the one I always wanted, while keeping the bills paid, and finding new resources to help me reach ever higher, toward that long-neglected, long-ignored dream I’d created so many years ago. Even if the result turns out to be different than I’d imagined, I am grateful for the journey to this point in time, and am excited to continue….