Forgiveness, whether it is for a great wrong done, or for a minor inconvenience, is so healing, and allows us to move forward, unburdened by our past behavior. This can mean forgiving another for something, or being forgiven by another for our own behavior. These we are all quite familiar with, regardless of how and when they present in our lives. There is, though, another kind of forgiveness out there, on the fringes of our conscious mind, that we so often forget, but that has great power when we are able to remember it, and to forgive for it: Forgiving ourselves.
Self-forgiveness is a little more difficult to see sometimes. We are taught to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions, and as humans, we often fail to do or say the wrong thing, and so find ourselves in the position of apologizing to someone for something we did that did not go as we thought it would. Even that sort of self-forgiveness is easier to see than not. When we delve deeper into our minds, thinking about our journey through life, and of how we arrived at this particular time and place, we begin to see things done, and left undone, that were a necessary part of our path, that, in retrospect, did not show our best side, either to us, or to others we encountered at the time. This is a chance for self-forgiveness, for not knowing better at the time. And how could we have known better at the time? Learning is usually the result of failing at something in a particular way. When we try again, we do it differently, and learn from that, too, be it successful or not. We all journey through life, knowing what we do know, and hopefully learning what we do not. Forgiving ourselves of past behaviors, those we thought would work, but did not, allows us to let go of the guilt of those uncomfortable situations where we did wrong, and truly move forward with our lives.
Life presents each of us with different trials, tribulations, and difficult, sometimes confusing circumstances that challenge us to navigate this new path in front of us. Sometimes, the situation demands extraordinary behavior, particularly when our lives, or the lives of our loved ones might be at stake. The stories of survivors of war-crimes, natural disasters, abuse, and so on are a testament to mankind’s ability to triumph over tragedy, yet these events sometimes force them into behaviors and develop survival patterns that serve them in these terrible situations, but stay with them afterward. Many of these stories also relate the person coming to terms with the horror of what they had to do in order to survive, as well as finding their way to being able to forgive themselves for what they needed to do to be able to live through the ordeal. These journeys are difficult beyond what most of us face on a regular basis, but the power, and the necessity of forgiving ourselves for not being our best, for not being ideal, for not being wise, for making the wrong decision, and living with the results, is there for each of us to access when we need it. By forgiving ourselves, we are showing our own souls compassion, mercy, and the absolution we all need, but that we so rarely give ourselves. The road through life can be bumpy enough without us needing to be hard on ourselves unnecessarily. Forgiveness of another is a simple recognition that no one is perfect, that we all make mistakes, that mistakes can be fixed, and that life is too short to hold on to these things. Forgive yourself for who you needed to be.