patience – Finding the Better Way

Photo:Alexas_Foto/Pixabay

Have you ever started on a road trip, thinking you know the way, and then find yourself lost, with no idea how to get back on track? We all have done exactly this. It does not end with road trips, however. We can be on the wrong track, the best of intentions and plans in place, and realize this is a mistake. A big mistake! Taking a job that sounded so great, yet makes us miserable. Choosing to go to graduate school, only to realize that further study of a particular subject is not doing to help us, and adds nothing to our lives. Moving to a new city or state, to ‘start over.’ All of us have been there for one reason or another, and are then tasked with finding a way ‘out’ of the mistake we created. Sometimes it is a matter of retracing our steps to find the mistake, and at other times we have gone so far astray that we know we are now on unfamiliar ground, and need to truly start over.

While ‘starting over’ does not seem so bad in theory, as adults we tend not to like going back to versions of our younger self when we knew less, we answered to others, and our decisions did not affect our lives as they do when we are adults. When we experience a physical injury that heals slowly, and leaves us needing to learn to do basic things again, when we have ‘been through that’ already, we become frustrated. We become more childlike. We may cry. Having met people who have had to learn to walk again, their frustration at their helplessness is palpable: they may lash out at others, and all the feelings they could not possibly have expressed as young children learning the same thing come out, leaving them feeling even worse.

Sometimes, and this is another thing that adults do not like to hear, the solution is to wait, and for time to work its magic. Those who need to learn how to walk again after an injury find themselves dependent on others for much more than they thought, both physically and emotionally. Yet, if we are able to see our plight as both adult and child, that is, understanding what needs to be done to move forward, and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, to be open to suggestion, and to trust in the good intentions of those around us, the healing begins in earnest. We can celebrate simple things, in this case: standing on our own, without crutches or aids. Or perhaps taking a short walk, maybe just across the room, or maybe down the street. These are the victories of that openness and trust.

As adults, we tend to be very self-reliant at times, refusing to see our situation as it really is. When we then cling to the belief that we are ‘right’ in doing things as we are, we close a door to let other people show us a different way that may actually be the thing we seek. When we let ourselves make mistakes, course correct, and are open to new ideas, we allow ourselves the capability of finding the path that brings us happiness, satisfaction, and joy. The empty space in our life is finally filled as the right puzzle piece clicks into place.

You’ve made the decision. To write a novel. To compose a song. To learn how to cook. To run a marathon. When you came to that conclusion, it was so exciting, so enticing, so life-changing. To think that you, no, YOU were going to do something you had never done before, that sounded like the thing you’ve been looking for to start life in a new direction. And now that you’ve slept on that idea, all of a sudden, you’re not so sure. Whatever action you’ve decided to take is not only a next step in doing something that fascinates you, but you just know it is the thing that will begin the next phase of life, of getting you unstuck, of giving purpose to your existence. The big question floating in front of you, though, is ‘Where do I begin? I’ve finally realized what I need to do, but I don’t know where to start.’

All of a sudden this idea now seems scary, and we feel a bit alone. The initial enthusiasm is gone, but the idea still burns brightly in our mind. This song or this book means something to us because we love music or literature, and we so want to be a part of this wonderful-seeming world of being one of the creators of pieces that speak to others. And left to our own devices, it is daunting. As any actor will tell you, a play or a movie is the work of many people, not one. Even solo shows have many people involved, though we may see just one person on stage. Playwrights or screenwriters may write their play or movie by themselves, but when the writing stops, the editing begins, the readings begin, in order for the writer to hear their own words spoken out loud, to see if they really do work for the story being told. Largely, the writer then takes the screenplay back to the drawing board, editing this out, inserting a new idea, deleting a character and adding two others, all in the name of making the story work in the best way possible. Given how this was done, with many other people involved, his ‘solo’ work, when finally finished, will be the result of others helping him through the process.

Left to our own devices, we tend to lose patience with ourselves, and we are often the hardest on ourselves. To be patient with ourselves is vital. It is also difficult. We have a particular view on what we ‘should’ be able to do given our education, our knowledge, our experience, but we often have trouble seeing ourselves as others see us, or how we see others. The idea, whatever it is, is wonderful. It is a seed to be planted, nourished, cared-for, and like a seed, we need to be patient waiting for it to bloom and grow to fruition. We can cultivate it.

We now have our seed. If you don’t know how to ‘plant’ this particular seed, ask someone who has done it already. A songwriter. An author. Listen, ask questions, seek others who can also help. Patiently, and with love, cultivate your seed.

Tag: patience

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Planting Seeds