Photo: prinzesskathrin/Pixabay
We all have different ideas about who we are. My idea of who I am may agree or conflict with someone else’s opinion. We have all noticed—though perhaps not of ourselves—that people are different in different situations. With our families, we are one person, and usually there are few secrets there, due to the time and experience we have with each other. We may feel, however, that we need to be more ‘serious’ at work or school, and may mute our sense of humor, or perhaps speak in a different way. Still, we tend to behave in ways that respond to our need to maintain our ‘self-image’ and act in ways that support that, as well as support our belief system.
This begs the question of what our self-image is, and how we came to believe this. In some cases, oft-repeated stories among family or friends help create it. We hear the story of our childhood, and this becomes part of our ‘legend.’ These stories, like the ‘tall tales’ they sometimes resemble, may change depending on who speaks and why the story is told. Our ‘story’ may be embellished or enhanced to better make their point. If this is your cultural reference point, it may be easier and more comfortable to accept this version of your story, because this is what your ‘group’ believes. Their version of your story may also hold up your belief in who you are, even if it’s wrong, particularly if it paints you in a good light. The more deeply held thoughts and actions we have point to how we see ourselves, or perhaps how we would like to see ourselves.
As a child, my family moved quite a bit. There were many houses, many schools, many people while I grew up. When I was younger, it was easy to adapt to the new situations, and it was even exciting! As I entered my teen years, though, it became harder as my classmates and I faced the changes—physical, emotional, sexual, social—with little guidance on how to navigate this new world. In one move to another city, I began to create a persona that I thought would make me more appealing, and, in a certain way, untouchable to my peers. While this wasn’t the goal, I see it clearly in hindsight.
So, I became a world-traveler, a young teen globe-trotter; more sophisticated than my peers, who, of course, couldn’t compete with this. I made time to study other countries, learned snippets of foreign expressions, and would chime in with ‘remembrances’ of things-not-experienced, in conversation. As you might imagine, this could be easily exposed, but to my surprise—and to my growing confidence—it was not. Of course, I was creating something that was false, and that couldn’t weather many storms. As I continued to grow, I began to realize that this was yet another costume I had tried on, that no longer fit, and that I could change it for another. I would not forget the lessons I’d taught myself, though, and they would inspire me to find ways of seeing those places at some point in time, and teach me to see and experience my world in a completely different way.
We are all many different people at different times in our lives, and we all play many roles in our lives, from son to brother to boyfriend to husband to banker to actor to writer. And they are all truly us; a particular facet of our personality that catches the light at different times. Each part of us that we put forward in turn, realizing that we are doing so, allows us to relax, to learn, and to become yet a better person, still growing, and taking our lives to the next level. Best of all, seeing these ‘roles’ we play for what they are, allows us, like actors on a stage, to ‘play’ in the truest sense of the word: finding new truth, and pulling others into our orbit to share that joy.