Tag: Tension

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Anger Begets Anger

At some point, being angry is just another bad habit, like smoking, and you keep poisoning yourself without thinking about it.

—Jonathan Trapper

We’re living in a very angry world right now. Being angry people. Angry about what’s going on politically, environmentally, socially, and I am seeing anger become our default, being ‘normalized’ in some odd, portentous way; a way that will not lead us to triumph over what’s causing the anger: seeing injustice to ourselves and others, feeling it wash over us as we struggle to understand how to move beyond it. And it’s hard. It’s very hard. As Jonathan Trapper notes in the above quote, anger can be like a bad habit: smoking, excessive drinking, reckless driving, cursing. And so it is. Think of the last time you felt really angry about something, and how it made you feel. Perhaps you felt physically hot, your breathing pattern may have quickened, and afterward, you felt you had to ‘come down’ from an emotional peak before feeling ‘normal’ again, as the tension left your body. Like those aforementioned bad habits, anger feeds on itself, using the energy it brings to take you to the next level of emotion, feeling, or action. And calming down after being angry is, indeed, like coming down from a high caused by drinking, drugs, or out-of-control behavior.

So, how to deal with our anger? Not expressing it is not necessarily the best way, but what about expressing it in ways other than screaming, yelling, or throwing things? Of realizing, that yes, I’m angry, and think the situation that caused it is beyond ridiculous. And then asking yourself if being angry will help the situation. Or is another action the way to go here? To follow the ‘bad habit’ metaphor, being angry doesn’t need to be the gateway to expressing that anger in an out-of-control, ‘drunk’ manner that only drives you to vent, and does nothing to alleviate those feelings, or what has happened to cause them. I’ve found that if I consciously think, ‘Breathe,’ and then do so, slowly, my thoughts begin to quickly go over what has happened, and I usually begin to realize that it’s not that serious, and that it’s going to be okay. And I’ll admit that’s really tough sometimes: at those times when you feel denigrated, put-upon, betrayed, lied-to, ignored, and all those things that make us feel less-than, finding the ‘high road’ is not easy. And then I begin looking for ways to be grateful for what has happened. Not that I’m happy something happened that caused me to be very afraid, but that I was able to back away and see it for what it was, and at least I tried to mitigate the negativity  at hand. Searching for ‘grace’ in the situation, a way to be grateful for even a small part of this event—if only for the knowledge that I know I will be able to face this again and not fall apart—is the beginning of discovering the ‘better way’ through anger, replacing the anger reflex with gratitude. To see that, perhaps, you are in some way wiser and better prepared to face your own anger in new and challenging situations.

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Love and Grace beats Strength and Power

Photo: Dimhou/Pixabay

Currently, we are facing the effects of living through a pandemic; eager for facts and knowledge, and hopefully, treatments and cures. In the United States, where our society has already been fragmented by political and social tension, we are now somewhat removed from the day-to-day activities by the self-isolation of quarantine, in hopes of lessening some of the vectors of virus transmission.  We spend time with our families, maybe for the first time in a long time, and spend time watching the news, movies, social media, looking for some messages of hope and an end to this. Amidst this, however, we still see evidence of blame, disagreement, hatred—which is fear—and looking for scapegoats. There are still families separated from their children at our country’s borders, and hate crimes are reported as too many choose to lash out at others, hoping to assuage their fears by terrorizing and humiliating those they feel are ‘responsible’ for this, or any current situation. It is, however, a true measure of our empathy and humanity, to welcome the most vulnerable and powerless members of society—our own or others—and treating them with love and grace, as we want to be treated ourselves.

Strength and power are so very seductive, and way too many people pursue them as their only goal in life. On the surface, they are quite attractive: being able to make things happen, able to buy anything you want, having sway over decisions, distancing yourself from hunger, poverty, and so many difficult situations that might affect how we are able to navigate life. In a certain sense, they seem to ‘guarantee’ a life devoid of unpleasant things. Their pursuit can also make us more self-conscious, rather than self-aware, miserly rather than sharing with others, and paranoid, as we begin to question others’ interest in us, perhaps thinking that they just ‘want something’. 

Most of the world’s religions and philosophies address this sort of thinking in one way or another, which can help us see the folly of pursuing strength and power for the purpose of distancing, or perhaps protecting ourselves from others or the vagaries of life. This current epidemic shows us that the strong, the powerful are susceptible, just like the weak, the vulnerable, and those unable to ‘protect’ themselves otherwise. The way we see and look at children is often a metaphor used to guide us to a better way of seeing people in the world. Children, particularly young children, are truly vulnerable, powerless, and rely on the adults in their lives for their basic needs of food, clothing, and shelter, as well as the love and nurturing they need to grow up to be healthy adults. While any parent can tell you that these young, innocent children can also be trying, and really test their patience, it is the time, the love, and the grace shown to these children that helps them grow as humans, and learn how to navigate life—the good and the bad—and how to treat others as well.  It is this time spent that we all need so much of right now, and that we need to reach out, and show others—those we know, those we don’t know, and those we are meeting right now—that the path of love and grace, of treating everyone with kindness, will guide us to be better people ourselves.