Wilderness – Finding the Better Way

How We Sustain

We all have those days, perhaps weeks or months, when we don’t quite know what we need to do to keep ourselves moving through this life. At these times, it seems and feels like whatever we do, whenever we do it, things just don’t seem to work out for us the way we might like. Life somewhat stalls at those moments, and we begin to question nearly everything we’ve done beforehand, and judge those actions and decisions as not helpful, and mostly to blame for where we feel we have landed. Of course, this is not the case. We have all made mistakes in our past—big and small—but we keep moving forward, perhaps apologizing and feeling bad for our choice, and eventually we come to feel better about ourselves and where we are.

We are, in philosophical terms, in the Wilderness; that place, or feeling of being alone, remorseful for our behavior, and hoping for answers that don’t seem to come as fast as we would like. So we continue moving through the Wilderness—our life—and looking more closely at the people and things we encounter. Each, after all, might have the answers we seek, and we simply don’t want to miss the chance to speak with them and learn more about who they are. Many times, we encounter others in the same Wilderness as we; searching, looking, listening, and attempting to better understand how to move forward. So, what can we do in this case? Most simply, we can acknowledge where we are, how we feel, and reassure ourselves that this is where we need to be: confused, hopeful, uncertain, and determined. And while those feelings do not necessarily help us feel better, they are keys to feeling better, and giving ourselves another chance to do better the next time.

When we make mistakes, realizing that we have done so, and acknowledging this fact is our first, and most difficult, step we can take. It involves taking our minds back to the events that put us where we are now, remembering the actions, words, and circumstances involved, looking—with honesty and truth—at how the events unfolded, our part in them, and seeing—in slow-motion, almost—how we are now able to move forward and what it will take for us to do so. However easy or difficult these words and actions might be for us, having recently relived the events, we are able to map out our journey out of the wilderness and into a more peaceful life again.

While these journeys out of our own personal Wilderness may not be easy, being in the Wilderness and experiencing it in all ways will help us make better choices in our lives as we move forward and embrace life, again, with all of it’s twists and turns.

Most of us learn very quickly that life is more apt to throw us twists and curves than it is to throw us easily navigated paths. It sometimes seems rather more like a labyrinth, with many dead ends and false paths. Like walking the labyrinth, though, we learn that the unintended endings and such were not bad things, but things that taught us just one of the ways we could not walk through, but that we needed to search for others. We will find the right door, if we will just be patient—largely with ourselves—and keep searching.

The past few years of my own life have been a bit like this, starting with a large corporate layoff from a company I liked, admired, and I really enjoyed being there and the work I did. When the layoff news came, I was stunned and did not know what to do or where to turn. Later that afternoon, I decided to do something I have always done and turn to my physical body for answers. By this, I mean I put my body in motion as that has always been my truest self and it is when moving that I hear the truest answers. I went for a run. As I began the run back home, running smoothly on a country road by a beautiful farm, I became aware of a slight buzzing sound that only grew in volume as I continued my run home. Quickly, I realized I was running within a large swarm of dragonflies. Alarmed at first, but then realizing I was in no danger I relaxed back into my pace, the dragonflies following me for a little while, and then going off on their own, leaving me alone to finish running. After arriving home, I looked up dragonflies and their meaning, to find that dragonflies are the harbingers of change. Certainly, this day, that rang true for me. My life had already changed greatly since rising that morning, and would continue to change for a few years to come.

Within a short while, I did find another job, similar to the previous one I had liked, but the differences were enough for me to decide to leave after a year. Another job, different from the last in many ways, lasted a couple of years before COVID-19 changed the way we all work, at least for a while. And, of course, another job replaced that one as well. It is not perfect, and I would prefer things to be different in particular ways, but it has been interesting to see, not only the path I’ve traveled, but of the things I learned while moving through these circumstances. Patience is the key term here. Not being known for saintly patience by nearly everyone I know, it is so interesting to ‘observe’ myself—in retrospect—as someone who patiently deals with clients, adverse situations, and makes a great effort to get as much out of every situation in which I find myself as I possibly can. Walking the labyrinth…

In our lives, we are all not just trying to find our path, our purpose, our center, but to help others find theirs as well. Patience may try us at times as we try to do this, but finding it, again and again, only serves to teach, not only ourselves, but those with whom we keep company, or who watch us from afar, or who simply cross our paths at the right time. It also shows us what we truly seek: our true path of life.

Tag: Wilderness

Walking the Labyrinth